I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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