maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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