who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
