Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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