there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
