You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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