Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
