Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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