apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
