yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize