The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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