Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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