You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
