Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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