better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
