she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
