guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
