dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
