if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
