I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
