he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
