I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
