What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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