this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
