I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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