if i can run in heels then i can drive
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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