Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
