Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Mom said you looked used
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
