Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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