I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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