hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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