I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
