I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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