She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
