I will die if light touches me.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize