Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
