thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Randomize
