I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You're like the curious george of whores
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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