also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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