No stitches, just platelets and will power
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
