i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize