You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
