Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
