im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
