My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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