Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
