Cold hands, warm shart.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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