you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
