me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
