A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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