You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
