this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
