i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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