so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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