He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
