I got chris browned last night
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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