he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
