STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize