I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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