well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
