is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
