You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
