I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
