He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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